Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Ariel & Sadie: Yoga Cronies

From time to time my younger self offers advice and commentary on my older Married Ladie life.

Sadie:  I am the youngest member of my Yoga class.  By decades.  But there are times I feel like the older, wiser woman.  I watch and listen to my classmates and think, “Oh, bless.”  My classmates are witches.  They own one of those stores where you can buy all things New Age.  Crystals, cards, books, incense, music, clothes, statues…everything you need to supply your ‘alternative lifestyle.’  They ooh and awe over the full moon and the energy flowing from the instructor’s new salt rock light.  They wear their pentacles proudly and want to organize a nude practice to celebrate the new moon. 
It’s a good thing we practice in near darkness because I can’t keep from smiling and shaking my head (when it won’t interfere with my balance).  They begin conversations with me about this great new chanting CD they have and the best herb for a stiff hip.  They assume I am one of them.  Why?  No other class or instructor has assumed this.  Am I giving off an energy like the rock light?

Ariel: Of course you are!  You are overloaded with ‘alternative lifestyles,’ or what is more commonly known as New Age Ooh-Waa-Waa energy.  In our short life we have been a microbiotic, been smudged with sage to cleanse our aura, held crystals to heal pain, stretched a drum for Native American drumming circles, sewed a mini inner-goddess for personal strength, meditated, spun prayer wheels while contemplating the Four Noble Truths and hung coloured flags to take prayers to the four winds, taken walks on the full moon to quiet menstrual pain, and given a nod to Ganesh.   Some of these activities were personal choices, a lot were not.  Remember?  Mom is a searcher and we were dragged along. 
Remember our first period?  We were almost late to basketball try-outs because of a candle ritual that, amongst other things, involved getting all our baby teeth in a red pouch.  The cloud of sage smudge followed us onto the court.  In hindsight, missing the try-outs probably would have improved our chances of getting on the team.  How much seaweed did we eat?  Any food the consistency of rubber has to stick around for awhile and is probably still oozing out of your pores. 
Or maybe, because you have seen it all already, you give off an accepting vibe.  Whether you like it or not, you’re a kindred spirit.  Just go with it.  If nothing else it makes for great cocktail chat (not that I would know).  

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