This is the month I fell in love with my son.
This is the month I seriously considered giving him back.
These two feelings are strongly linked. It's hard to admit motherhood might be a bit too hard when you aren't sure you love the thing giving you crow's feet and melting your brain. Once that thing giggles and naked-rolls it's way into your heart you don't feel like such a monster saying you need some time off.
I need some time off.
Better yet, I need more than two hours of consecutive sleep.
|baby unibrow & mum's crazy eyes with extra bags|
"Things get better after three months, trust me."
I now know this statement's only purpose is to keep new parents from devouring their young.
We have hit some milestones this month. Rolling is one of them. Sleeping well at night is not. Napping is better but they only last 20 minutes which is just enough time for me to get in and out of the bathroom, throw some wet, forgotten laundry back into the washer, and maybe stuff some cold leftovers in my face.
We also now have a schedule of activities for the week. These are great for distracting Pruin and giving him something other than me to look at for at least 30 minutes. Theses are also great for building Pruin's immune system. We are currently experiencing our first baby cold courtesy of the noise-making toys passed around at library song time. A bucket full of toys slobbered and sneezed and puked on by a variety of children and then safely stored away to incubate for another week. Every time they come around I am loathe to accept but also don't want to be 'that' mom sanitizing everything her baby touches. I mean, the kid chews his toes directly after sticking them in the mess that is his nappy. I really can't be too precious when it comes to germs.
In a lot of ways this month feels like a huge step backwards. Sleep has gone from iffy to bad and mummy has gone from high functioning multi-tasker to blank stare baby-babbler. Sleep is always the measuring stick. If sleep is going wrong we forget all the amazing things the baby is doing 'right.' I take it personally that my child isn't sleeping. As over-achievers it is hard to accept that our little one can't figure out how to sleep and we can't figure out how to help him.
We are obsessed.
We are very tired.
We have aged five years in four months.
We are probably making it worse.
But even on my worst sleep deprived mornings when I've had a total of three hours of sleep and have to take an exam about Life in the UK or spend the morning at the embassy proving I'm an American, I could never devour this little guy. He's too damn cute (and cannibalism is seriously frowned upon in both the UK and America).