Wednesday, 18 May 2011


I know I am late posting today.  I have no excuse except to say that I don’t have much to say today.  But here are some of the things I have been thinking about today.

I had a doctor’s appointment late in the afternoon and it was the only thing on my mind.  I couldn’t concentrate on anything else.  It was an appointment to ask for help.  This is something I struggle with frequently.  I have a very hard time asking for help.  This appointment was a big step for me and it was taking all my mind power.
I’m not sure where this reluctance to ask for help comes from.  Maybe a left-over from a misconstrued idea that being independent meant never asking for help.  Which is ridiculous, I think. It’s one thing to expect help, it’s another to ask for it.  And actually, I struggle with both.  In my worst ‘only-child moments’ I expect assistance whether it is warranted or not.  I know this about myself and I am trying to be more aware of these moments and nipping them in the bud.  But I am also working on asking for help.  On top of that, graciously accepting the help that is given freely.  It’s a process.

I’m enjoying getting dressed everyday.  Although, to be honest the outfit I start out with is not the one I take off at the end of the day.  Inevitably, I add a few layers and the shoes comes off in exchange for my mukkalucks.  It’s fun to get dressed but I don’t know if it is dress for success really.  I have no direction with the outfits.  It used to be that I would have a situation in mind when dressing which would direct my choices.  In school, it was a particular class (I distinctly remember picturing every outfit in Mr. Keller’s math class), in University it was the JAYWalk, now I usually think about the Underground.  Ridiculous, I know, but I am very aware what people around me in the tube are wearing and I assume others are as well.  I mean how can you not be when your face is inches from a stranger’s bottom or armpit or chest.  I particularly notice shoes since I have learned to train my line of sight to the floor or else I end up accidentally staring at someone.  Ok, it’s not accidental.  Where am I going with this? I don’t know, but right now I am just playing dress up.  Soon, hopefully I will have a bit more direction in choosing outfits.  I have thought about posting some pics of my outfits, but I’m a bit crap at posing the photos.  We’ll see.

I think I need to start limiting my online time.  I have become a bit obsessed with constantly checking blogs and facebook.  I don’t know what I am expecting.  A lot of the time I am disappointed in what I find or, worse, it makes me feel like I am failing at life.  So many of the blogs I read are filled with women that say things like, “be authentic and authenticity will come to you.”  This might inspire some people, but I find it old hat.  What these ladies rarely talk about is how hard they have worked to be able to say things like, “let money flow through you and it will come back to you.”  Are you kidding me?  Honestly, my constant checking is my version of having a quick gossip over tea or coffee during the work day.  I want giggles and gossip and maybe a fabulous sweater or beauty tip.  Perhaps I just need to change my blog list. 

All that being said, perhaps this wasn’t the best post.  But I will end it on a high note. 

We bought tickets for Royal Ascot today!!!  Talk about fabulous fashion.  And the hats!!  I can’t wait.  We are going with friends to celebrate both our one year anniversaries (two weeks apart).  I am tempted to recreate a Liza Doolittle moment but I will restrain myself.  At least in my cheering.  Although, after a day of drinking champagne I can’t make any promises.  But more importantly, this means that I am in the market for a fabulous hat.  I can’t wait!

I hope to do better tomorrow.  Feel free to pose questions or suggest topics.  I'm all ears.

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