I joined Weight Watchers yesterday. I know.
I’m not overweight, really. I don’t have horrible eating habits, really.
But I have come to the realization that at 32, my body no longer works like my 25 year old body. It took me awhile to realize that even though I don’t feel old (and really, I’m not) it’s time to start taking care of the body.
I didn’t wear facial moisturizer until I was 29. That’s the same year I started using sunscreen instead of tanning accelerators. It wasn’t until I was 31 that I finally found a cleansing routine that basically wiped out my acne (thank, god for that. It had gone on way too long). I’ve finally come to grips with the fact that my hair is stick straight and will always be so no matter how much product or heat is applied.
But I can’t seem to get to grips with, and accept, my body. I tell myself that I can deal with the increasing innertube that is growing around my middle (it can be hidden with the right tops and control underwear) but I have always been disappointed about the bottom half. I am pear shaped, average height (on the short side) and a disproportionate torso to leg ratio. Except, no matter how weight I lose, the legs never get any slimmer. It will be looking good and then, as I range down my reflection, I get down to the calves and ankles and any excitement I had about an outfit, or progress, or whatever is gone.
I know that at one point they weren’t so big. At 27, when I returned from Africa, I was fitting into non-stretch, size 6 jeans with no overspill or overstretching. How was that possible then? I was eating the worst food possible for two years before heading to Africa. I called it boiled-water cuisine. It started in University. If I could make it in a hot pot, it was a viable dinner option. It was all pre-processed and full of nastiness. My idea of a healthy meal was Kraft Mac & Cheese with tuna and frozen peas thrown in. WHAT??? And yet I was at my skinniest. To be fair, I was working three jobs, finishing a horrid Master’s degree, off the Pill for about two years (after about 10 on) and stressed through the roof, just coming out of a second serious episode of depression.
How was this possible?
Today, I eat almost exclusively fresh ingredients and we make many foods from scratch. I go to the gym (usually) around 2-3 times a week and usually workout to the point of wanting to throw up. I’m stressed, but I am also happy. And yet, I am verging on being my heaviest yet. What is happening?
I have decided it is about portion control as well as my body just getting older and not working as efficiently. So I joined Weight Watchers.
After going to my first meeting and reading through the material I am determined to do the program without buying all the Weight Watchers branded materials. I did this to make a lasting change with the way I deal with weight and food and I don’t believe that is possible if it is done just buying the Weight Watchers food. Of course I know why they push it, it is a business after all. But I think that is the easy way out of taking responsibility for what it is that you are putting into your body. And I have an aversion to pre-packaged food. I refuse to believe the Weight Watchers microwave meal is better for me than a meal prepared fresh.
So this is the goal. Go through the program successfully without buying into the Weight Watchers branded food (I may indulge in a pedometer and cooking oil spritzer). It is going to be about being mindful of what I am eating and being strong about it. It is so easy to have the same portion size as Pete and share in the 6 champagne truffles. We are planning on going to Morocco in February for about 10 days, half of which will be spent at a resort. The goal is to wear a bathing suit without embarrassment. I have already made the move to the one piece and find them a more sexy and practical at my age, but I am still mortified by the action below.
There it is. Out there and now I must be held accountable.