Friday, 13 January 2012

In search of EASE

I have never been one for drastic change, in practice. 
That is not entirely true.  When I decide I want something done or changed, I want it done/changed NOW.  Patience is not a common quality in only children.  Or so I have been told. 
So let me restate: I am currently trying to not be one for drastic change.  
When I think on it a bit longer, I realize the opening statement may stand.  While I desire immediate drastic change, I rarely accomplish it on my own.  I am a champion procrastinator.  So much so that my name is written under ‘Procrastinate’ in the family dictionary and my slow-burn tendencies were the centrepiece of my parents’ speech at my wedding. 
This year I decided to take it to heart.  You have to work what you have. 
I have not jumped directly into my goals for this year.  In fact, I only finalized them yesterday.  I stewed over them for the last two weeks and really thought about what I wanted, what was feasibly possible and created a three-part list. 
I’m easing into this year. 
I know it sounds very boring and grown up, but let’s face it.  I am boring and grown up.  Those wild, crazy days of youth when I could move to new cities on a whim, eat take-out for dinner every night, date and kiss boys indiscriminately and stay out late with the girls are over. 
Actually, in my case they never really existed.
However, as my doctoral dissertation very clearly states and backs up with empirical and theoretical evidence, history and memory are for ‘revising.’ 
So I am easing into this new year.  In fact, EASE, has been circling my brain for a while now. 

appearance of effortless-ness, comfortable in place, simplicity, to lessen the burden, to begin slowly and mindfully, at peace, a quiet strength, a deep breath

I think this lack of EASE in my life/mind as of late created a lot of my angst about my current occupation of housewife.  To my monkey mind I went from student to Doctor to wife to housewife in a matter of weeks.  In fact, it only took about eight consecutive weeks to collect the complete set. 
But I was never just a student, or a Doctor, or a wife or a housewife.  I am all these things.  With the exception of student.  I am SO over being a student. 
Right now, I am trying to view this past year and a half as a time of healing and growth.  I needed to EASE into being a grown-up Doctor and wife.  I am feeling much more comfortable in my place. 
However, I do still have an itch for change.  Usually I would scratch this with a rearrangement of furniture.  Our tiny flat does not have the square footage for this beyond positioning the kitchen table parallel to the wall instead of perpendicular and changing out the table cloth. 
It will do for now. 

1 comment:

  1. I think a big part of finding ease (and I certainly have not) is acceptance. And it sounds like you are on your way. Good luck!