Since my last Tuesday Fit-Day post, I have shifted between being five and eight pounds away from my goal weight. That was over a month ago. I still have yet to find an occasion for that suit.
However, I want to move this thread toward Mental Fitness. I’m feeling pretty comfortable with my physical fitness levels and body shape. I run 5Ks two-three times a week and almost always take the stairs and I can regularly go shopping without breaking down in tears, which is not as great a thing when you have no income. I have been sliding a bit in terms of making healthy food choices, but I’m reigning it in. Lately, I am more concerned with my mental self-care. It sounds like terminology. It is. As regular readers may be aware, I am currently battling my third bout of depression in a little over 10 years. I am trying a new type of therapy this time around and it feels like a good fit. This time around it is about trying to change behaviours and allow for self-care with the goal of learning how to stay mentally fit in the long term and avoid back slides.
A big part of this exercise for me is to work toward seeing who I am now and not who I used to be or thought I would be or wanted to be, etc. This brings me to another change. The Ariel and Sadie theme was a product of this thought process. It was a way to stand back and take stock of how I have grown as a person in the last 10 years or so. When it began, I was of the mind that I had lost myself because the Ariel I thought I remembered and the Sadie I had become seemed completely different people. And, let’s be honest, in some areas that is a completely true statement.
The Ariel I was channelling was a combination of late High School/late University persona. That’s problematic to start. That Ariel had yet to experience the world outside of her little bubbles, and while her bravado and idealism is commendable, it makes me cringe to think of the way I carried myself then. However, that Ariel also dreamed big and without really trying, or noticing, Sadie accomplished some of those big dreams; living abroad, travelling the world, finding a life (and travelling) partner, earning a PhD…
Ariel and Sadie will no longer be about lamenting a lost future. By definition, can a future really be lost? In a lot of ways this last year has been a bit difficult for me, but it has also been equally illuminating and awesome. (By the way, I tend to mark my passing years by the academic calendar which happens to correspond with our anniversary.) Pete is now officially my life and travelling partner and I finished that effing PhD. Not too shabby for one year.
So Ariel and Sadie will become a conversation about how awesome my life is turning out. Hopefully its a fun one filled with pretty drinks and dresses and maybe even a job at some point.