I’ve opened all the windows today [Wednesday]. It is unseasonably warm. The smell of the fresh air and the sound of birds singing this morning immediately reminded me of sitting outside and working on my postdoc application and viva review. Not the best memories in the world, but the fresh air is great to be smelling again. For some reason when I smell it inside, it is different than when I am out in it.
The particular memory of the postdoc application is interesting. This morning I received a Fellowship application and a fairly obvious push to re-do that last failed postdoc application. Just when I almost convinced myself to leave academia behind, pushed along by two more application rejections in two days, this reminder pops into my inbox.
I was feeling semi-productive today and then this came through and all of a sudden I can’t be bothered to do anything. That doesn’t bode well for my excitement over the opportunity. But then again, what the hell. I don’t have anything else going on, no hot leads, no volunteer positions. No motivation to write any of those articles I had so neatly planned out.
It would only take about two days worth of work to refurb the old application. It isn’t really what I want to do anymore, but I could still submit it and then work on something else if a miracle happened and I actually got a two-year fellowship. I’m not holding my breath or counting on it by any means. But I have a few weeks to get the initial proposal in and nothing on my plate. I guess I could give it a go.
Time to open the cupboard and shake out the ‘ole academic writing.